Find Hope

Compelled to find lovers online.

When I was sick and by myself at home I would think, “What exactly is the purpose in this. What are you doing? You’re still alone. You still have nobody in your life. You still have that void. So what you’re searching for is ...

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I was in a relationship for eight years. We weren’t married. He got cancer. After he passed away with cancer I was searching to fill the void I had in my life. So I started talking to people on the internet. Then the Yahoo personal ad popped up. Then I went on that. Then other dating websites popped up, I went on those. This led to sexual intimacy. I was miserable.

When I was sick and by myself, at home, I would think, “What exactly is the purpose in this. What are you doing? You’re still alone. You still have nobody in your life. You still have that void. So what you’re searching for is not fulfilling. It’s not satisfying the emptiness you feel inside.” I then thought. “I need to go to church.”

God kept convicting my heart and dealing with me. So I went to my mom’s the next Sunday, ready. She said, “Do you want to go to church with me?” I said, “Yes, that’s why I’m here.” I was like the woman in the Bible with the issue of blood (Luke 8:43-48), where she felt like, ‘If I can just touch the hem of his garment...’ I know a person doesn’t have to be in a church building to be saved, but for me, I wanted to get to an altar of prayer. It was just like running to the feet of Jesus. It was there that I found love, joy, and hope.

Life is totally different from what it used to be. Now when I drive down the road I see the sky, the clouds, the sun. I see flowers now. I hear birds sing. The difference is Jesus. I’ve made a commitment to my relationship with the Lord to be abstinent. I’ve been on a couple of dates in three years. I have to walk in obedience until I find someone I’m going to marry. That’s the way God intended.

I tell everybody, ‘I’m not single.’ I’m in a committed relationship with God.

Lisa - Compelled to find lovers online.

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