In a social setting, I remember feeling all by myself. I remember literally an event in the fourth grade where we were talking about dinosaurs. So everybody started to say; “If I was a dinosaur, I would be a____ or whatever.” I was like; “If I was a dinosaur I would be a Brontosaurus because that was kind of like the biggest fattest looking dinosaur to me and everybody laughed. Everybody laughed but not in a way that I felt was accusing. It was a way that they accepted me. In that there began this moment of this self-depreciating thing where I was like; “Man, if I beat them to the punch of what I think they’re thinking of, if I say it before what I feel like they’re thinking, before they have time to think it for very long, then man, that was close enough to acceptance for me. It is just a really weird and terrible place to be if you really think about it. So, it even dawned on me with Big Daddy Weave. That’s even sort of like my nicknames growing up like, “Hey, Big Daddy.” You know and it was lovingly that they’ve been given these nicknames. It’s not out of hate or anything like that.
It was still all about this image thing, that never being good enough because I was never happy with me. The first time we were touring with Mark Schultz they told me that because of where the set is and all of that stuff you need to share about World Vision. I found that out the day of that show and I almost hyperventilated because I was going to have to not just sing my songs to Jesus. You know what I mean? I was going to have to talk to the people. For some reason, the talking between it would always just become this self-deprecating shtick. You know what I mean? That would be my defense mechanism because what I was dealing with the entire time I was up there is like; “Oh my gosh, man I don’t want….they can’t ….I got to beat them to the punch because they surely are just thinking I’m the hugest joke or whatever, you know? So, because that’s what I’m believing that I am.
Literally, over just the past couple of years, this battle with my weight has always been a thing. We had a thing in 2009 where we had this big campaign where literally I lost almost 90 pounds. The whole idea was to lose 90 pounds in 09. So, we did this whole campaign and I lost 84 pounds that year. That just was not good enough for me because I missed it by six pounds. I couldn’t even see all of the progress that I had made. I couldn’t even be thankful for all of those things and I just began this slow descent back to where I came from. I was just sort of hating on myself, not accepting myself and not being happy with myself. I remember being in my garage which is where I work out down there and just literally sitting on the floor just being like; “God, I just am not happy with me.” Then the Lord was like; He was like; “Why don’t you let me tell you what I think about you?” He did. “I love the way that you smile, and I love your heart for people, and I love….” He just began to remind me of all these things about myself. I was just a wreck in the garage hearing this from God in my heart. That makes all the difference.
We were coming at a time when we were going to have to go to….. This is the worst day in a fat guy’s life in the music industry anyway, is that we had a photo shoot. They’re going to put you in a lot of weird clothes that you would never have picked off the shelf. I’m like a t-shirt and jeans guy, you know what I mean? So, I’m hating this. I’m looking in the mirror and I’m hating what I’m seeing and this kind of stuff. I’m going; “How am I going to do this?” The Lord reminds me again and He says; “Hey, you know what I see in that mirror right there? Let me tell you what I see. Look in there. Let me tell you what that is. You know what that this? That is mine. You are mine.” That makes all the difference in the world because I thought that I never really had a pride problem in my life. What I thought humility was, was self-deprecation, and that is not. That really is pride. I call it “back door” pride. What humility is, is simply being willing to agree with what God says about anything. So for me, that day, He says; “You are mine. You belong to me. You are worth it not because of your track record but because of the blood of Jesus Christ. You, Mike Weaver, are redeemed.” That changes everything. That changes everything. So now, I endeavor to learn how to walk in that. Maybe we’ll beat the weight struggle at some point or you know the eating thing. Maybe not but either way when I look in the mirror what I need to know is that what I see belongs to Him and I’m redeemed because of who He is.