I had a really good summer of baseball and played in statewide Allegiant All-Star games. I started a relationship with a girl that wasn’t very healthy. We were sexually active, and it just wasn’t good for either of us at all. The way I was looking at was a view without God at all. I was seeing a great season and summer of baseball and just hanging out, having a pretty girl by my side. Like; “I don’t have anything to worry about.”
She went to the doctor for a sports physical. While there she was asked if she was sexually active. She said; “Yes.” She panicked and froze. Stuff hit the fan. That’s the phrase for it. Her parents didn’t want us to hang out much anymore. I think she found another guy she was into and just kinda started drifting that way. Everything in my life started to sour. I started to blame it all on her. That led me to quit baseball. I became really depressed all the time. I was really down.
My dad is a teacher and he was waiting outside for me after my first class. He told me my friend Jonathan had shot himself over the weekend. I didn’t quite get it or understand why someone so happy and upbeat would take their life. It was all starting to get too much. I thought a lot about my friend that had taken his life. He had done so much. He was such a happy person and I’m sad so what’s the point of me sticking around? I remember being on the verge of not waking up the next day and just really thinking; “I can’t do this anymore. No one cares too much about me.” Something in my heart told me to keep holding on.
For Christmas, my big present from my mom and dad was getting to go to Young Life Winter Camp. You get like 15-20 minutes to just sit outside, enjoy nature and just have one on one time with God; which is something I never believed in. Where the camp is in North Carolina, It’s beautiful. It’s in the mountains. It all looks painted. The sky is completely clear. There are stars everywhere. I felt comfort and I felt a lot of pain being eased. It was just like I wasn't alone, and there was someone there. There's a God who loved me no matter what I did. That was the exchange. It was like I heard Jesus saying, “I’m going to meet you right in the middle of that brokenness, and if something breaks, the next time I’m going to meet you and be right there.”
I finally said, “Ok. I want in.”