I got saved when I was twelve years old. Up until that point, I was living a lie. I was going through the motions.
It was very easy to walk into the church, go with the flow, bow your head when the preacher says to bow your head and stuff like that. What I realized is that I was different than a lot of the people there.
I did have a group of friends. We would get together, do stuff and have fun like that. When it got down to being serious there was something different about them. It kind of bugged me. For a long time, I tried to play it off. I tried to go along with it, do the things that they did and tried to be like them. I always got frustrated. For the longest time, it was bugging me.
Later on one night, it got to the point where I was just tired with it. I didn’t want to talk to my preacher or youth pastor because I told everybody at church that I was a Christian. If I started doubting that or asking questions about it they might think I was a liar. I was really worried about what they would think of me.
As time went on it got to me. I talked to my parents one night and just laid on my heart what was going on with them. I didn’t know who else to turn to. They were gracious and patient with me. They went through 1 John. It was good. They showed me a lot of things that I had never seen before. They focused on the heart and how you can say all of these things. You can memorize all these scriptures. You can pray any prayer that you want to but if your heart isn’t in it if your heart isn’t towards God or anything none of that matters. You're doing it all for no reason.
I realized that even though I had said a prayer once in my life, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t believe in my heart that Christ is Lord and that He did die for me. I was brought to tears. Not because it was an emotional experience but because I realized that everything that I had done was pointless and I had been living a lie. I was still in my sins. It broke me, how I was doing that. I was going against God to His face and lying.
I was convicted and prayed for the first time truly meaning it that Jesus was my Lord. I asked Him into my heart that night. It was great. I felt relief. I felt like I could relax now.