I kept self-pity in my heart, you know. For some reason, I blamed my mother and father for that self-pity, but I came to understand that I was a man, and I had to walk on my own, you know. Sometimes a man is not grown at twenty-five, thirty, or just because he has a family or kids. He is grown when he takes responsibility as a man, you know. Once they give it all to God, you know what I’m saying.
I just sat down and just really got on my knees and talked to Him. You know He really started blessing me because it was like a block because my mother and father were never there. They were separate, and I wanted them together as a family. I didn’t know. I never forgave them. I got on my knees and prayed and thought I forgave them. Until my Aunt, I talked to Aunt one day, and my Aunt said, “Have you really just given it all to God? Every bit of it?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “No, you haven’t.” She said, “Because you know what? You bring them up too much.” So one day I sat down and just really said, “Father I can’t hold it. I can’t do it. You know you have to. I’m not strong. You’re my strength.” Once I sat down to understand that and really give it all to Him, He lifted it up off of me. He started blessing me, and you know what? It’s like I said, God, you know, cleaned my heart out and threw it behind me. I could sit down and talk to them like a man is supposed to. Like a son. They really understood, you know, what I stood for.
You know too, to really say a lot about it is because God gave me the things to say to them, and it brought us all closer. Boys, you can bounce them around, you know what I’m saying, throw them across the room, but this little lady, she could grab you by the finger and take you wherever she wanted you to go, you know. It really fulfilled a lot of things in my heart. That’s why I get up every day and get on my knees and thank God for my health and my strength, knowing that somewhere around I’m going to do some work, you know, and to be able to pay bills, to be able to make sure they have got a meal on the table, you know.