I took my two children to school one morning and I decided that I was not going to go back to pick them up. I abandoned the family. I abandoned my husband and two children.
Growing up, my parents divorced when I was nine. My dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict. He wasn’t around a lot. I didn’t have the best adult figures in my life. My mom tried the best she could but she had married a man who just wasn’t a good person. He was abusive to my mom and mainly verbally abusive to me. Off and on I dabbled with pain medicines and marijuana, just whatever I could do to get high.
By this time, my son was, he was a year. I kind of stopped doing pain pills. I actually sought treatment from a suboxone doctor. Which I just traded one thing for another. Skip on a couple of years and I am pregnant again. You know the thing about being pregnant for me is that I could stop doing drugs. You know, I had another life inside of me. I could stop drugs long enough to carry the full term. I had all of these thoughts in my head like; you are a worthless mom. You are no good. Look what you are doing to your family. That my kids would be better off without me. I believed it.
The second day in February in 2016, I had taken my two children to school one morning and I decided that I was not going to go back to pick them up. I abandoned the family. I abandoned my husband and my two children. I stayed gone for five months without them knowing where I was. I just continued to get high and just live with people that I had no business living with. I left my kids to live with another man who could supply me with drugs. I really believed that they were better off but the truth of that matter was that they weren’t better off. July 1st of 2016 I had gotten into an altercation with the man that I was living with. He had beat me up pretty good and he actually doused me with whiskey and was going to set me on fire. I got away and I called the cops. After the cops left I wanted to go get a pack of cigarettes and I wound up at my aunt’s house. I was just so broken and I said; “I need help. I need help.” They called Women at the Well and I got in that next day.
As I stayed and continued to walk it out and give God all of my problems and my pain He started restoring things back to me. He’s restored my love for myself. My youngest one, he kissed me on the cheek and said, “Momma I love you so much. I’ve missed you so much. It’s those little things right there that show me that true restoration has taken place. It still is a process though. I have not arrived. We never truly arrive. We are all on a journey. Even though there was so much brokenness that’s happened I wouldn’t change it because I would have missed out on this opportunity to be shown the amazing love of God and His grace.