When I was about seventeen I think my mom knew that I was different; that I liked guys. She said, “I think it’s time you get a girlfriend.” So to be pleasing to her and my family I started dating a girl. When the movie, The Exorcist, first debuted at what was then Eastgate Mall, I went to see it with my girlfriend. Through the movie, I could feel the presence of evil.
Afterward, later on, that week I decided I would worship Satan. I thought, “He’ll give me the sexual desires I want, to please myself." So, I knelt on my knees and prayed to him, just as one would pray to God. I wanted to live for him. I sold my soul to him as I said, “I’m yours. Just use me any way you can.” I considered male prostitution to fill my needs. That’s when I started going to the gay bars, my senior year of high school.
I came home one night from partying, and I looked in the mirror, and Satan said, “It’s time for blood by committing suicide.” That’s when I first cried out to the Lord Jesus Christ, asking him to send someone to me. He did. There was a new guy at work that I didn’t know very well. He approached me and said, “The Lord wants me to talk to you.” I gave him a funny look and said, “About what?” He said, “About salvation.” I said, “What about salvation?” He said, “Do you know where you will go?” I said, “I guess I’ll go to hell, why?” That led to us becoming best friends. We started having bible study at work. I started visiting a church with him. I then came to know Jesus Christ as my savior.
I tried to live for the Lord and the Devil at the same time. I was straddling the fence, so to speak. It doesn’t work. I thought, “I can’t live it.”, and turned completely back to living a homosexual lifestyle. I then met my second roommate who I lived with for seventeen years. I wasn’t happy. I stayed in a state of mild depression. I knew there was more to life; more than what I was experiencing and achieving. I knew there was more than the Lord had for me than what I had for myself.
Weekends were party times, and sometimes through the week. Wanting something different, we tried meth. The Lord had been dealing with me, so, every time I would get high or drunk I would want to talk about him, even at the gay bars. He spoke to my heart and said, “You can have all the sex, drugs, and alcohol you want, and die and go to hell, or you can come and follow me.” That was the turning point in my life.
I cried out to the Lord again, asking him to send me someone. I went to Coolidge Park (Chattanooga, TN), and walked around praying. I received a call from my mom saying that my sister wanted to talk to me. My sister said she had been having dreams of a dark cloud over her head, and that she was concerned. She called her pastor wondering what it was about. He questioned if there was a family member about to die. She said no. Then a friend of hers called her and began to discuss homosexuality. She said that then she knew the dreams were about me and that she had something to tell me.
My sister then told me that Revelation 3:15-16 says “...because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” (NKJV) I looked at her and said, “What does this mean?” She said, “The Lord says, ‘It is now or never.’” My answer was, “What do I need to do?” She said, “You’re going to have to move. You’re going to have to repent.” I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I argued that I already had a house. She said, “Well, do you want to be in God’s will or do you want to continue the way you are?” The Lord reminded me that I had asked him to send me someone. We then prayed, and since that time there has been a total change in me. I have experienced a 100% turn around in my life. The Lord sent my wife. We have been married for four years. I have three stepchildren and five grandchildren. I now love the Lord Jesus Christ.
If there is someone out there who is hurting, and on the verge of suicide, I want them to know there is more to life than sex. [God] gives you a choice. It’s your choice to choose who you will serve, whether it be Satan, as I did in my younger days, or whether it be the Lord. It’s up to you. You’re either a child of God or a child of the Devil. There is no middle ground.