The doctor was my supplier. I mean, you could go and get what you needed but it was never enough. I would steal for it. I would cheat. I would lie, but it was; “Oh, I have to have these so I can be the best mom”.
It was a twenty-minute feeling. The rest of the time I was stuck chasing that twenty minutes again. I began using meth because the pain pills weren’t enough. That was probably my darkest moment. I looked around one day. I saw the kids and was like “man”....hold on, I’m sorry.
I was at the trailer that I was staying at. I don’t even remember whose place it was but it was where the drugs were. I had brought the kids there with me. They were small. There was a knock on the door. I had only been to this place a handful of times but when I opened the door it was my mom. To see somebody from that part of my life standing in a place that was so dirty and wrong it just hit me. She looked at me and she said, “Those kids are either going to come with me now, just them or you’re all coming with me and you’re going to get help.” I said, “Well, you’re not taking them. So, here we go.”
I had ran a bath and was going to get in and huff air dusters and just end it all. I prayed, “God if you are up there, I’m tapped out. I literally can’t do anymore. So, either fix me, or here I come.” Something about the way it happened didn’t work.
The next day I woke up and I never wanted again. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t chasing that fix. This couple that lives down the road I used to play scrabble with began to pick me up every Sunday, every Wednesday for church. It is the church that we attend now. It is the church where I got baptized, where my kids got baptized.
We were like the youngest people when we came in. It was songs we didn’t know. It’s not the smoke and lights show. It’s a bunch of older established people who all knew each other. They loved us so much. It’s just where we were supposed to be. I have been clean for ten years. I started my own real estate company. I am currently at the number one office in Chattanooga and was one of the top producing agents for the month of February.
I just try to use the hustle from the days that I chased bad things to chase good things.
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