Find Hope

It started with painkillers for my back but it didn't end there.

"I was taking ecstasy, cocaine, pain killers or whatever it took just to feel numb."


When I was eighteen I got into a car wreck and it messed my neck up really bad. So I have always had neck and back problems. After almost fifteen years of bartending (that’s hard work). So I was constantly at the doctor trying to figure out a way to get more pain killers. Once I started bartending, drugs run ramped in settings like that you know, drugs and of course alcohol. That’s all I did all day every day. I worked twelve-hour shifts and then I would go out and party all night long. I was taking ecstasy, cocaine, pain killers or whatever it took just to feel numb. But at the time I thought I had it all under control. I thought well, I’m twenty-one I can party and have a good time. One night I got so drunk I woke up and had bruises all over me. This guy had raped me. I couldn’t even pick him up out of a line-up if my life depended on it. I just thought I deserved it because I put myself in these situations. You know it was just one of those things so I covered up the bruises and I went out and I partied even harder after that.

I got pregnant when I was twenty-three and I was severely hung over when I found out. I had been out all night long taking pills and partying. I felt so guilty. I told my family and they said; “You need to either abort or adopt because you’re going to ruin this kid’s life.” I was like; ‘No way am I going to do that.” So I got clean and I got sober. I had a placental abruption so I almost died giving birth to him. So my healing process was real, really hard. They gave me a prescription for Oxycontin. After that, I started taking them slowly but I realized really quickly that I was going to need them all of the time. Plus I wanted to lose weight after Samuel was born so I got back on a prescription for Adderall. That may as well be a synthetic meth. I have never done meth or anything but I lost like forty-five pounds in a couple of weeks. I was back on pain killers and I started drinking as soon as I stopped nursing him. I started drinking right away again. I just liked to socially drink. I thought I could socially drink. I had to have that bottle of Jameson. I liked to have that with breakfast instead of coffee. I had already burnt the lining off of my stomach. I had been to doctors for it. I had like serious stomach problems because of my drug use.

I was just laying there and was like; “Lord, (because I was raised in a Christian home from my Mom so I prayed and stuff but I never really thought that I was worthy.) Lord if you will tell me what to do, I will do whatever it takes to get better.” My Aunt called me one day and said; “There’s a bed open at this place called “Women at the Well” in Athens.” So they did not give me any opportunity to not like them. Not one opportunity did I ever get. They loved me no matter what even in my tantrums, my cussing and just ugly ways. “Women at the Well” has been….It’s changed my life.

I have a relationship with the Living God now. I just never thought that I would have that. I just prayed non-stop. I went up there to that prayer closet and I spent every extra moment that I had in that prayer closet praying and getting flat on my face saying; “What is it that you need me to do Lord?” That’s when He answered so many questions that I had. I just felt peace.

Sarah - It started with painkillers for my back but it didn't end there.

More Stories view all 488