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Methhead who wanted to die, but my boyfriend’s Mom wouldn’t let me.

I remember begging her; “Just let me die. Just let me die. I mean, just leave me alone and let me die.” Praise God! She told me; “I can’t do that.”

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When my mom died, through a very unfortunate series of events, I found meth. That little voice in my head telling me to get clean just went completely away. This whole time I didn’t believe in God, so it was easy for me to not think that there was not somebody better to look up to. When my mother was really sick and almost dying, she was not a Christian, and her ideas on religion were very far out there. She just had her own ideas I guess, so I remember her sitting in a wheelchair by the door and hospice would come out. The preacher would come out every day and talk to my mom. I remember one day somebody saying to my mom (I heard this in passing), but I heard my mom say, “I got saved today.” I thought, “Well, that’s ridiculous. Why would my mom get saved? She doesn’t believe in Jesus. She doesn’t believe in God. Why would she get saved? That makes no sense.” I eventually went to my boyfriend’s mother and said, “I want to believe in God, but how do I do that?” She sent me to a counselor, a Christian counselor. That lady gave me some information to read, and I read it. It was interesting. I thought those are some cool facts about the Bible, but to me, how do you believe in a fairy tale?

Then once I found meth, that was it. I started shooting up meth, and I stopped taking care of my daughter. She was just a few months old, and I did everything I could possibly do to get drugs. It didn’t matter what that meant, I did it. So then they’d had enough of me. I had stolen from the last person in my family. I had no one left who wanted to talk to me. My drug dealers wouldn’t deal with me anymore. I had nothing left and my boyfriend’s mother found Women at the Well. She was like, “Just come up here and look at this tour.” I remember begging her, “Just let me die. Just let me die. I mean, just leave me alone and let me die.” Praise God! She told me, “I can’t do that.” She brought me to Women at the Well.

I remember I asked so many questions. I would just keep asking questions. I think people finally got tired of answering me, so I just started reading the Bible. I read so much of it. Any free time I had, my nose was in the Bible, and it just all made sense. It all fit together. I can’t find any contradictions. I know facts about the Bible. I believe God revealed that to me. Then it was like I was only a few months in, and people would come to me and ask Bible questions. I always felt really stupid and so to be able to acquire knowledge and to be interested in something that is so intricate and so just deep and understand it, that’s God in itself, you know?

I didn’t get saved like a lot of people by going up to an altar or anything. I actually was sitting in a prayer closet all by myself, and I was like, “Alright, you keep showing up, and I keep seeing signs. I understand what you’re trying to tell me, so I guess I’ll try this thing.” That’s pretty much what I said. It was several months later that I decided to get baptized. I was beaming. I was excited to be baptized and let the world know that this is who I am now.

My dad comes. He talks to me. He is actually excited to talk to me. He answers the phone now. He didn’t used to. He gives me money now. Used to he wouldn’t let me in his house because he knew I would steal from him. Cathy (my daughter’s grandmother), for her to give me the support that she has given me, to take me to Women at the Well, to not have given up on me, I meet people all of the time that say, “I have been praying for you.” I don’t know who these people are. I have never met them before in my life, and they are all praying for me. Just to see these things, that is my proof. That’s my belief.

Nicole - Methhead who wanted to die, but my boyfriend’s Mom wouldn’t let me.

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