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God is now my drug of choice.

"I needed methadone and drugs to function, get out the door and just deal with life. Now, the first thing is, God is my drug."


My grandfather on my mothers' side was a dealer. He disappeared in 1973 along with my uncle who was twenty-two years old. She lived in Cleveland Tennessee. 

We met in a chat room. I came down here a couple of times to meet with her in person. We had a long-distance relationship through cameras on the computer for about a year. Then she quit her job and everything. She came to New York to be with me. My wife was a believer and she would say things to me like; she would mention things from the Bible. I would say, that’s a bunch of B.S., that’s a book written by men. I don’t believe that. My father died. Uncles have died. I’m unique among my friends. There’s only a couple of us left. Dozens and dozens of them have died from overdoses or AIDs or whatever. There’s me and this guy Steven. There’s nobody else. Her mother sent a box of books, some materials. One of them happened to be this little booklet. It was about Jesus’s thirty-nine stripes you are healed. Now, at that time I was on the methadone program and I was taking pills illegally. So, when she came up and I looked at this book. I wanted to be free of the pills. I didn’t think I could ever be free of methadone. I didn’t even think it was possible but I wanted to be free of the pills. So, I would take this book in secret and start reading it. It has thirty-nine stripes. On each stripe number is a Bible verse, two Bible verses and a prayer.  I started reading the book and praying the prayers not even knowing exactly what I was reading. I almost died a couple of times. I couldn’t even hardly sit up in bed. My wife called my counselor from New York (from the methadone program), and put him on the phone with me. He said, “Rocco, I hear what’s going on. Your wife told me. You have got to get to a local hospital and let them give you some methadone, even if it’s just a cap.” I said, “no, this is it. If I came to Tennessee to die then it’s going to be. I am not going back.” It was a rough go, but that stand that I took, God gave me the strength because I don’t have courage like that of my own. That stand that I took I believe, really filled me with God and has kept me on that path. 

One of my best friends who is now dead, he died in a gunfight, said to me, “you’re not one of them born again Christians are you?” I said, “well, yeah. Yeah. If that’s the term that you want to use. I have God’s spirit in me now. I am born from above.” He said, “don’t be preaching to me.”  We almost got into a fight over it. We made up, thankfully. He was killed three weeks later. I needed drugs. I needed methadone and drugs to function, get out the door and just deal with life. Now, the first thing is, God is my drug. God is my drug. I go to God. He gives me Himself and I deal with the world. That’s the biggest change for me.

Rocco - God is now my drug of choice.

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