Find Hope

Chronic enabler. But my current marriage has hope.

Because he was a quadriplegic I felt bad about divorcing him.


I married again pretty soon after that to another alcoholic. He was also a womanizer. So I got a little taste of what that was. I tried to change him. My big deal was trying to change everybody else but me. So I tried to change him. I ended up divorcing him after five years of that. Within two years I was married again. I just thought I had to have a man in my life. He was another alcoholic and a very abusive alcoholic. I stayed in that for five years. During that marriage I was working for a doctor. One of the patients saw me bruised up and prayed with me in the room where we did our therapy. I moved in with her, and she introduced me to her best friend, Jesus Christ. It’s never been the same.

My life didn’t change right then because then I thought I had the power to change other people. I thought, “If they can just know what I know.” So I went back to that abusive marriage and tried to change him. I tried to show him that God could change him. It didn’t work. Then there was another divorce. Then I was married again to a patient. I’m a caregiver by trade. Imagine that. My patient was a quadriplegic. After a year of getting to know each other we married. I was this new young buck Christian. I was going to make this marriage work because I knew what to do. I figured, “He can’t walk. So he can’t beat me up. He can’t run around on me. He can’t drink unless I give it to him.” I thought I had it made.

What he did know how to do is find pornography on the Internet. He didn’t think he was hurting anybody because he couldn’t do anything about it. He didn’t realize it was hurting me. Because he was a quadriplegic I felt bad about divorcing him. So I stayed until he passed away. Seven days before he passed away he was *saved.

Two years later I married again, a man I thought was a Christian. He was really involved in a cult. I didn’t know he had cancer when I married him. So here I was a caregiver again until he passed away. During that time with him, I began attending Celebrate Recovery, finding out that there were lots of others out there who had spun out of control, like me. I thought addiction meant only drugs and alcohol, but there are so many more facets to addiction. Trying to help others when you’re not trained can definitely be an addiction.

Now I can help somebody without wanting to change them. I’ve learned that I can give them information and teach them what I know, but I can’t personally change what is going on in their head. I now realize that they have to go through it the same way I had to go through it.

I tried to twist the last two husbands’ beliefs into what I believe. I didn’t have to do that with Tim, the man who is now my husband. He already knew the truth. He’s been preaching and teaching as a street preacher in Arizona. He brings me back to Christ every time I get depressed or down about a situation, which isn’t often. He’ll just grab my hand and start praying right then. It’s totally the other end of the spectrum of what I had before.

*At the heart of Christian faith is the reality and hope of salvation in Jesus Christ. Christian faith is faith in the God of salvation revealed in Jesus of Nazareth

Nanette - Chronic enabler. But my current marriage has hope.

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