Find Hope

Bipolar led to cursing people uncontrollably.

It was just terrible. So I’m taking the medicine and I am correctly diagnosed but I’m still not really feeling any better. I’m not free from this bipolar.

READ FULL STORY »

The bipolar would just, just kind of be like an animal that would attack me whenever it wanted to. It was two or three times per week. It would just come out of nowhere that I would be cussing at the top of my lungs, telling people that I hate them, my loved ones, saying these things that I didn’t want to say. I’m thinking in my head that I don’t want to say this but it’s all coming out. It was just terrible. So I’m taking the medicine and I am correctly diagnosed but I’m still not really feeling any better. I’m not free from this bipolar. Craig had gone through junior high with me and high school with me, it seemed like on a regular basis he would come to me and want to fight me. He was a big black guy about twice my size. Twenty years later here’s Craig in his suit, selling suits. He looks kind of the same but he sounds completely different. I said; “What is different? There’s something different about you Craig. You look the same but you’re nice to me.” Now he’s a minister. You know I really didn’t know much about God at all except that He was far, far away. All I knew was that much. I mean, I had no type of relationship with Him. I didn’t know I could really have one. So he was telling me that I could. He invited me to come to lunch with him one day and we had lunch. He was talking to me. I said; “Craig, there’s some things you said to me in high school that I still remember that hurt really bad.” This is what I was going through. I had bipolar and felt like I was crazy. Everybody thought I was crazy and you still were saying these things to me and wanting to fight me. “He apologized right then. Craig is wearing this suit in the middle of this fast food restaurant, he stands up, gives me a hug and tells me that he is sorry and please forgive him. I had never hugged a guy before much less in the middle of a restaurant. It felt like I had some peace about that. We sat back down and I told him that I had been dealing with bipolar every since then. He said; “You know, Jesus didn’t die on the cross for you to be saved and just to go to heaven. He also died on the cross for your deliverance.” I said; “What are you talking about?” He said; “We are having a deliverance service at my church. You should come.” I said; “I don’t know.” But he wouldn’t give up. He kept saying that if God made this whole earth and made us and sent His son to die for us on the cross, surely He can heal you or deliver you. Don’t you agree? I said; “Okay. Yes I do.” He said; “Well come. It’s on this night. I will save you a place behind me. This is where it is.” So I said; “Okay.” I went there. I went and left Cleveland and I drove all the way to Athens, went down this gravel road. There was this metal building, nothing else around and the parking lot was full of cars. I got there and I could hear the people singing from outside. They were already having their service. I just walked on in the door. It was the weirdest thing because nobody was at the door, but when I went through the door, I felt like I walked through something. I didn’t know what it was. Now I know it was the Holy Spirit actually there that I walked through that was greeting me. The minister came out and said; “If anybody wants to come up to the alter and pray, come on up. I knew that was the only reason that I was there. So I just went on up there and got on my knees. I didn’t know how to stand up and raise my hands like everybody else was doing. I just got on my knees and I didn’t really know what to say either. They were singing a song that said; “Just tell Jesus how much you love him.” That was what it kept saying over and over again. I was singing along with that but I had my eyes closed. I saw something while I had my eyes closed. It was this screen that came down. On the screen God was showing me all of these different miracles that He did in my life. For instance my son was born seven weeks early. He was in an incubator. He was in the NICU which is the emergency room basically for babies. I remember how scared I was but God brought him through that and healed him. Now he is strong and healthy. I saw my grandmother that was a very healthy woman but then she had gotten brain cancer at the very end of her life. It was a sad thing but I could see my grandmother standing in this golden field of grain kind of thing, blue sky, wind blowing and it was like, she’s okay, she’s in heaven now. I remember I saw another thing where I had jumped out of the car at one time because I thought that my dad was going to take me to the hospital again and I didn’t want to go back. I jumped out of the car while he was driving. It was after midnight in this neighborhood. I remember rolling into these peoples front yard and the street lights were the only thing giving us light. I remember my Dad, the look on his face was just, you know, are you okay? This is my only son, are you okay? You know for a long time I thought my Dad didn’t love me, which was the farthest from the truth. That reminded me right there of one way how my Dad loved me and took care of me. I just started to weep because I had never really thought about these things that God had done for me. I felt this warmth come over my body. I realized it was covering me. I knew that I didn’t make that warmth come over myself. I didn’t cause that whole movie basically of different miracles in my life to happen for me like that. I knew it had to be God. I came and sat down at my seat and there was a man sitting beside me and I just said to him; “All these things just happened and this is why I am here, to get healed. Is somebody supposed to touch me or is somebody supposed to whisper in my ear for me to be healed? What’s supposed to happen?” He had this huge Bible and it said; “By His stripes you are healed.” Jesus took stripes on His back for my healing. He said; “Do you believe that? I said; “I do believe it.” He said; “Then you’re healed. Go and walk in that.” When he said that to me, it felt like we were the only two people in the room. It felt like it was quiet although everybody was still praising and singing to God. I felt kind of like I was Arnold Schwarzenegger. My chest felt pumped up. I felt like I was about six inches taller. It was just the greatest feeling. He said; “Go and walk in that healing. Every since July of 2004, I have been walking in that healing. Something told me at the time; “Don’t quit those medicines.” That’s what I would always want to do, to get healed of being off the medicine. But He said; “Don’t get off the medicine.” What God had done that day was, He made that medicine start working. I take the same dosage that I have taken for twenty years and where I was being attacked every other day. Every since that day, I have never had those attacks. God healed me. He can heal you or deliver you from whatever it is that you’re going through.

Matt C - Bipolar led to cursing people uncontrollably.

More Stories view all 420