You know, is there a God? Is there anything out there? Because there’s so much information out there that’s misinformed. Things that are just falsified. I was more out trying to prove that God was real. I really had to do it for myself. Rather than just having listened to my parents all my life, but through this, really when I started to dig in to learn as much as I could, it’s kind of like all hell broke loose, I guess would be the correct term. My guy best friend, who I confided in everything (we talked about all of this stuff), decided he didn’t believe in God anymore. He was an atheist. He didn’t believe there was anything there or that anything was ever going to be existing. So I lost that connection that feeling of security there where I could go to him and talk to him about everything. I really lost him in the process of it all.
In the midst of all that, my dad also had resigned for personal reasons, and whenever a Pastor resigns, everyone assumes he had an affair. That’s just the standard Pastor. If you resign, that’s what everyone thinks. It had nothing to do with that, but that is what everyone thought. My dad and my mom were having financial problems. There was so much stress there that it caused marriage problems, so that was kind of the basis of it all. He just needed to step back for a little while and get everything under order so they could, you know, move on. So I was going to the same church, where everyone thought that my dad had cheated on his wife. I had really no confidant. I really couldn’t talk to anyone, and I really wasn’t, I was really trying to explore and find out if God was real. I was in my room. It was after everything had happened. It was a month after all of this was sitting in front of me, and I just started crying. I prayed out to God. I said, “God, I need you to do this because I can’t.” That was really the breaking point. I never truly had a point where everything just got better and everything got resolved completely.
It’s still, you know, it’s still a struggle with day in. My best friend still doesn’t believe there’s a God. My dad got his job back and was reinstated, but you know, there was never really a time where everything resolved. I was learning about God, reading, studying. Through that, I found a second Colossians 6-7. It talks about how God, once you’re in God and once you’re a part of God, letting your roots grow deep into Him, learning and becoming sturdy in Him. That’s really what stuck with me the most. What changed my life…to be honest, those moments those things that I’ve learned, the lessons that I’ve learned through my personal time with God because of all this has made all the difference in my life.